That Constant Hunger
Sometimes my mind wanders so much that I try to learn and master everything. It does not matter if it is something I already know a bit about, something completely unrelated to what I do, or even something I am passionate about. There is this constant hunger pushing me, an urge to understand and master everything no matter what it is.
Even as I get carried away by this urge, I am fully aware of it. I can see myself jumping from topic to topic, idea to idea, field to field, just to understand one single thing. I often think about it. I know that a master of all is a master of none, but I cannot shake it. I still want to learn everything, master everything, and feel competent at everything.
Small Wins Along the Way
The sad truth, or maybe just the honest one, is that I will never master any of it. And yet, I keep doing it. Partly, it is to give my mind the comfort of knowing it has some background knowledge about a topic, in case I ever need it someday, near or far.
There is also the joy of small wins. Those little “aha” moments when disparate ideas finally click or when a complex topic starts to feel intuitive make the wandering feel worthwhile and give a rush of satisfaction that keeps me going, even if mastery is impossible.
When I start researching something, I often dive deep into first principles. I might begin wanting to understand machine learning and end up exploring statistics or math, tracing how each piece moves the whole thing. It is exhausting and exhilarating at the same time, but it gives me the sense that there are no gaps.
Why It’s Never Enough
The worst part of it all is the imposter syndrome. No matter how far you go, doubt and uncertainty linger, making it feel like you never got this far at all. It is the enemy of anyone trying to learn and grow.
Maybe this is a good bad trait, or maybe it cannot be labeled at all. It just exists. Still, being curious enough to wonder, to explore, and to absorb new knowledge without fear is something worth keeping.
Even if I never fully conquer any subject, this drive to learn keeps life interesting, sparks new ideas, and makes the journey itself meaningful.